2021's Guide to Sex, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Romantic Orientation, and More (for beginners)

Please be patient, as some of this can be confusing at first and might take some time to absorb. You're not expected to understand it all immediately.

You can go through the sections as they are listed, or you can skip to a part that you're interested in, they are listed as follows:

• Preface

• Sex & Gender

• Gender Identity & Gender Expression

• Birth and Changing Identities

• Sex & Gender Terms

• Pronouns

• Romantic & Sexual Attraction

• Romantic & Sexual Terms

• Disclaimer, Conclusion, Questions?

• Sources

I'd like to preface this by saying that this is simply meant to be a starting point. The information presented in this guide is vague and will not go in depth to every identity or term. If any of this information is incorrect or needs to be altered please don't hesitate to contact me at [email protected] and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

As this is supposed to be a starting point, a compilation of definitions and terms and explanations, I encourage everyone to do their own individual research and to look at multiple sources, so as to gain the best understanding possible of whatever you're exploring. Ask people questions! It might take some time, but if you want to understand, then you will.

Additionally, I'd like to add that I will be trying to cite all my sources (not proper format, just including links) but most of this is just knowledge I've accumulated over the years. If you notice that I missed a citation please don't hesitate to let me know!

The overarching point of this carrd is to the separate the four categories of “Sex,” “Gender,” “Romantic Orientation,” and “Sexual Orientation,” and to highlight the differences between “Gender Identity” and “Gender Expression,” so keep that in mind.

Shall we begin?

Separating Some Terms:
Sex & Gender

While the terms are often used interchangeably, Sex refers to one's genitalia, whereas Gender refers to identity.
Many people have the desire for them to "match," and a person's sex and gender "matching" is a very important part of many people's experience with sex and gender. But they do not have to "match." Meaning, someone can identify as a man and have a vagina, that does not make them any less of a man, the same goes for a woman with a penis.

NOTE: In this context, to "match" is to have the genitals that are most commonly associated with one's gender identity. (Ex. a woman having a vagina, a man having a penis.)

Separating Some Terms:
Gender Identity and Gender Expression

Gender Identity simply refers to how someone identifies, whether they identify as a man, woman, nonbinary person, gender fluid person, etc.
Gender Expression refers to how someone presents their gender. This includes pronouns, style, behavior, etc. It does not have to "match" their gender identity. (Ex. A trans man can use they/them pronouns and still be a man. A woman can use he/him pronouns and still be a woman.)

Birth and Changing Identities:
An Introduction to Intersex, Transgender, and Cisgender

Sex and gender are decided at birth, based on whether the baby has a penis or a vagina. However, some people are born intersex, meaning they are born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals that do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies. (intersex 3)
Not all people identify with their assigned gender at birth (AGAB) and later discover a gender identity that fits them better and makes them feel more comfortable.
People who identify with their AGAB are cisgender. (Ex. If you are assigned female at birth and you identify as female.)
Transgender, although often used to refer only to people who have transitioned genders, actually refers to anyone who does not identify with their AGAB. (Ex. If you are assigned female at birth but identify as a male, If you are assigned male at birth but identify as nonbinary.)
This means that, even though some choose not to use the term "trans," nonbinary people do fall under the umbrella of "transgender." Remember to respect and abide by the terms one uses for themself.

NOTE: If a nonbinary person chooses not to use the term "trans" to express their gender identity, then you shouldn't use it for them either.

Terms:
Sex & Gender

This section is split up into four parts, as it encompasses a large number of definitions. The sections are as follows:

• Terms Indicative of Both Sex and Gender
• Terms indicate of Sex
• Terms Indicative of Gender
• Additional Comments

(More terms are soon to be added.)

Terms indicative of both sex and gender:

AGAB: assigned gender at birth
AFAB: assigned female at birth
AMAB: assigned male at birth

All of the above indicate both sex and gender, as they're both assigned at birth. For example, one can assume that if someone is AMAB, then they were born with a penis and told they were a boy/man However, this does not indicate their current sex, nor does it indicate their current gender.

Sometimes you might hear people say something along the lines of "I'm an AFAB trans man." This means that they were assigned female at birth (born with a vagina, told they were a girl/woman) but they identify as a man, hence the "trans."

Cisgender: someone who identifies with their assigned gender at birth

The above term indicates both sex and gender. For example, if someone is AMAB and still identifies as a male/man, then they are cisgender. From this, you can deduce that they were born with a penis and told they were a boy/man, and that nothing from this has changed.

NOTE: Although you can deduce someone's sex, it's often impolite to do so, especially when there is no reason for you to need to know anything about their genitals. If there is reason, then deduce away, but remember to be respectful.

Terms indicative of sex:

Intersex: term used to describe someone who was born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals that do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies (intersex 3)

Sometimes doctors do surgeries on intersex babies and children to make their bodies fit binary ideas of "male" or "female."
The term "intersex" does not indicate gender, meaning that, just like non-intersex people (endosex people) intersex people can be any gender. (intersex 1) (intersex 2)

Endosex: term used for a person who was born with chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, and genitals that match what is expected for female or male bodies.

In other words, endosex means the opposite of intersex. This term is new and not commonly used, as an endosex person is seen as a "normal" person. (endosex)

NOTE: Although endosex is seen as "normal," intersex people should not be treated as abnormal.

Terms indicative of gender:

Transgender: someone who does not identify with their assigned gender at birth

The term "transgender" is not indicative of sex. Additionally, it is very impolite to, without reason, ask about or try to figure out a trans person's sex. It is also impolite to assume that a trans person has transitioned or wants to transition, assuming this implies that they are not trans unless they alter their body to fit binary standards of gender.

NOTE: This is further discussed at the end of this section.

Nonbinary: someone who does not identify with either of the binary genders (man and woman)
Gender queer: does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders
Multigender: anyone who experiences more than one gender identity. (multigender)




None of the above terms indicate sex. Similarly to the term "transgender," one should not try and assume someones sex.
Additionally, these terms, as well as the term "transgender," are all umbrella terms and can be used in addition to other terms, some of which we're about to go over now.

Genderfluid: does not identify themself as having a fixed gender, their gender may vary over time (genderfluid)
Agender: without gender/neutral gender

People who use these terms can fall under the umbrellas of "transgender," "nonbinary," or "multigender."

Gender flux: gender fluctuates in intensity (genderflux)

Gender flux can range from feeling 0% a given gender (often described as agender) to being 100% a given gender. In between 0% and 100% are the following:

libragender: being slightly a given gender (libragender)
demigender: being partially a given gender (demigender)
paragender: being mostly but not entirely a given gender (paragender)

In the above terms the suffix "gender" is often replaced with "girl" or "boy." (Ex. Demigirl)

The terms "libragender," "demigender," and "paragender" can be used on their own and do not have to be a subcategory of gender flux. You can read more about them in the links next to the definitions.

To my knowledge, gender flux people only identify with one gender unless specified otherwise. (Ex. If someone is boyflux, then they may fluctuate between feeling 0% boy to 100% boy and everything in-between.) This means that genderflux, unlike genderfluid, only refers to the fluctuation in intensity of one gender, whereas genderfluid may fluctuate between multiple genders.

Fluidflux: someone whose gender fluctuates in intensity and is fluid between multiple genders may identify as fluidflux. (fluidflux)

Additional Comments

As stated in the "NOTE" under "transgender," I'd like to add that all of these terms are used to describe gender identity, which, as we've discussed, is different from gender expression.

Often, people have a picture in their head of what a nonbinary person "should" look like or what a trans person "should" be doing with their bodies. So, I'd like to remind everyone that there are no rules to gender expression. Anyone can look and behave however they want and still be the gender identity that they chose/were assigned. Not all transgender people have to have surgery, not all transgender people want to have surgery, not all nonbinary people have to look androgynous, not all nonbinary people go by they/them.

So, just because you may have preconceived notions about how someone "should" be expressing themselves, remember the difference between gender identity and expression. If you want to read the differences again, click here:

• Heart

Ok! I think I got all of the terms that I'm aware of. I know it can be a lot to wrap your head around at times, but once you become more familiar with each term, it becomes easier. If you have any questions, complaints, or suggestions you can contact me at [email protected] and I will get back to you!

Shall we move on to pronouns?

Pronouns

I'd like to start off by saying that Pronouns Do Not Always Equal Gender. Anyone, whether they're cis, trans, nonbinary, etc., can go by any pronouns.

The basic three sets are they/them, she/her, and he/him. However, some people go by neopronouns, which are pronouns coined by neurodivergent people who can have a more complex relationship with gender. Additionally, many cultures have many unique ways of expressing gender, whether it's historically or in the present. Often, in history, we see those expressions being suppressed by tyrannical and racist nations who force cultures to conform to their rigid standards of gender.

This is not only in history, but with woman of color particularly, who, in the USA, are often robbed of their femininity and relationship to womanhood. By white society, they're often portrayed as strong, tough, masculine, or aggressive. This often causes women of color to perceive gender differently and to have a more complicated relationship with it.

To summarize, many people have many different ways of perceiving gender and no pronouns are exclusive to one group of people. Neopronouns help people to feel more comfortable expressing themselves within the limitations of the english language and can be used by anyone. Neopronouns include xe/xem, ae/aer, zie/hir, etc. (neopronouns)

Remember that, even if you might not completely understand someone's pronouns, you should always make an effort to use the correct ones.

Some people use more than one set of pronouns, meaning that when you speak about them, you should interchange between their pronouns. Don't just choose one set and use only that forever.

If you're not sure of someone's pronouns, ask! Asking is much more polite and respectful than assuming. If you're at a point where you can't ask what the person's pronouns are, it is most polite to refer to the person using they/them pronouns, as those are seen as neutral. But, once you do learn the person's correct pronouns, be sure to start using those and those only.

Additionally, some people don't like to be referred to with terms and nicknames such as "babe," "sweetie," "dude," "bro," etc. And some people don’t like being referred to as “pretty,” “handsome,” etc. Make sure you know what words people are comfortable with!

A helpful source if you have pronoun questions: pronouns

Moving on from Sex and Gender, Let's Talk About Romantic and Sexual Orientation

Separating Some Terms:
Romantic & Sexual Attraction

Sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction. Some people experience both, some people only experience one, others experience neither.
Additionally, someone who experiences both can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically attracted to them, and vice versa. This, however, does not make them asexual or aromantic.

Romantic attraction is defined as: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons. (romantic attraction)

Sexual attraction is defined as: attraction on the basis of sexual desire or finding a person or persons sexually appealing (sexual attraction)

Terms:
Romantic & Sexual Attraction

This is by no means all of the terms in existence. (I currently have a list of other terms that are to be added once I do more research on them and gain enough of an understanding to define them.)
This section is divided into three parts, they are as follows:

• Terms to Describe Romantic Orientation
• Terms to Describe Sexual Orientation
• Terms to Describe Both Sexual and Romantic Orientation

Terms to Describe Romantic Orentation

Homoromantic: romantically attracted to the same sex

Heteroromantic: romantically attracted to the opposite sex

Biromantic: romantically attracted to two or more genders

Panromantic: romantically attracted to people across the gender spectrum

Aromantic: does not experience romantic attraction

Grayromantic/grayaromantic: sometimes experiences romantic attraction

Demiromantic: only develops romantic attraction for someone once they have formed a strong emotional connection


Terms to Describe Sexual Orientation

Homosexual: sexually attracted to the same sex

Heterosexual: sexually attracted to the opposite sex

Bisexual: sexually attracted to two or more genders

Pansexual: sexually attracted to people across the gender spectrum

Asexual: does not experience sexual attraction (asexuality)

Gray asexual: sometimes experiences sexual attraction

Demisexual: only develops sexual attraction for someone once they have formed a strong emotional connection

NOTE: the terms "opposite sex" and "same sex" are questionable and confusing when also talking about nonbinary people who do not fit into any form of the terms "opposite" or "same."

Terms that Describe Both Sexual and Romantic Orientation

Terms such as Lesbian, Gay, Straight, Achillean (aka. mlm/MLM, nblm/NBLM), and Sapphic (aka. wlw/WLW, nblw/NBLW) refer to both romantic and sexual attraction, unless specified otherwise.
Ex. "They're gay and aromantic" meaning, they are sexually attracted to men and nonbinary people, and do not experience romantic attraction.

Definitions of the above terms:

Lesbian: a woman or nonbinary person who experiences attraction to women (aka. Homosexual/homoromantic)

Gay: a man or nonbinary person who experiences attraction to men (aka. Homosexual/homoromatic)

Straight: someone who experiences attraction to the opposite sex (aka. Heterosexual/heteroromantic)

Achillean/mlm/nblm: a man or nonbinary person who experiences attraction to men

Sapphic/wlw/nblw: a woman or nonbinary person who experiences attraction to women

NOTE: To my knowledge, all of these terms do not exclude being attracted to nonbinary people and therefore include them. (Ex. A lesbian woman can still be lesbian while being in love with a nonbinary person, A straight man can still be straight while being in love with a nonbinary person, A sapphic nonbinary person can still be sapphic while being in love with a nonbinary person, etc.)
NOTE: As stated previously, the words "opposite" and "same" can be confusing

Disclaimer & Conclusion

Disclaimer

Many of the terms we've gone over are vague and generalized, which means that there are endless variations of what one person can identify as. I, for example, identify as a nonbinary sapphic asexual and go by they/them pronouns, and I consider myself to fall under the trans umbrella. However, just because I identify as asexual doesn't mean I feel the same way about sex as every asexual. As is the case with many of the terms we've discussed, asexuality is defined by the individual who uses the term. The base definition of "one who does not experience sexual attraction" is the only thing all asexuals have in common. This goes for most, if not all, of the vague definitions we've discussed, so be sure not to assume that all people with the same label are the same.

Additionally, I'd like to say that if you're someone who's figuring yourself out, take your time! Try on different labels, explore different identities and expressions! And don't be afraid to change your labels if they ever stop feeling comfortable. Remember to be patient with yourself and remember that you don't have to pick any labels if you don't want to. Where some people find comfort in labels, others find a restricting set of rules and feel boxed in by them. It's ok to not have a label, you're valid no matter what.

Conclusion

If you would like to add to this list of ever-growing labels, if you have a question, if you would like me to make alterations to any explanations or definitions, or if you'd simply like to talk:
You can contact me at [email protected] and I will do my very best to get back to you!

And, if there are still things you don’t understand, that’s completely normal. It took me a while to wrap my mind around all the different terms, but once you get it, it’s much easier. All it takes is time and practice.

Anyways, thank you for joining me on 2021's Guide to Sex, Gender, Sexual Inclination, Romantic Inclination, and More! I hope this was helpful in some small way.

Sources

I got information directly from the sites listed below.
In the future, I may add more sites/resources that I found helpful, in case anyone wants additional reading material.

lgbtq+ dictionary

intersex

intersex 2

intersex 3

neopronouns

pronouns

gender flux

libragender

demigender

paragender

genderfluid

multigender

fluidflux

romantic attraction

sexual attraction

asexuality